keeping up with my life

as i sit and watch my imaginary bff Khloe and the the rest of her family on the new episode tonight, i finally decide to make my blog.

this weekend, my diva twin gave me the best advice. "don't make weekly goals, make monthly goals. it's more realistic."

and in fact, it is. every week i become overwhelmed with my school schedule trying to mesh with my work schedule while trying to fit in my social schedule. before i know it, monday is quickly friday and everything on my to-do list is still yet to get done. so consider this one check off of my monthly goals.

one thing you should know is that i love certain celebrities, and i often attempt to relate my life to theirs.

no not in a freaky, stalkerish way. in an admiral way.

Khloe Kardashian. i love her spunk. i love her style. i love that she loves herself and she truly loves love.

Taylor Swift. like, she's seriously my bff. i love her talent. i love she's a hopeless romantic and no matter how many times a guy lets her down, she still has hope.

Lauren Conrad. she's my older sister in my head. she's so driven. handles drama and pressure so gracefully. career orientated. and freakin fabulous.

today the news broke that Lauren Conrad is engaged. not a big deal to some, but to me, im like

after binge watching the first 3 seasons of The Hills, i identify with her so much. she dealt with loving a guy too much. loving a guy who didn't know what he had until she's gone then he suckered back in with empty promises that sound so sweet and those big puppy dog eyes. the guy who clearly showed that he wasn't on the same page in the book of feelings as she was. yet, she mustered up excuse after excuse on why she couldn't let him go. 

it sucks when sometimes all you want is the person who makes you feel like complete crap to also be the person that make everything in life 3408457405times better. but when do you say when? 

when do you finally stop lying to yourself? when do you stop finding excuse after excuse to stand up for him when your friends really do have legit reasons as to why it's time to let him go. 

it's hard to explain the unexplainable good of a person when all everyone sees is the clear emotional turmoil you go through just to achieve that feeling of happiness. 

but now, after all my rambling, i've realized that enough is enough. today marks the last time. the last time i make excuses. the last time i fall for the promises and the oh so sincere "i'm so sorry babe". the last time that i took a ride on this emotional roller coaster. 

no, im not giving up on him. im just finally done trying. constantly trying. constantly putting myself out there emotionally naked. 

LC finally stop riding her emotional roller coaster now and look! she's happily engaged to her law student boyfriend.

so maybe all this is just Jesus saying, okay kid. time for you to focus on me and watch me send your real Prince Charming.