WWQueenBeyD?

in order for this entire blog to make sense, i guess i should explain something. 

Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter is my aunt.
yeah, my aunt. 

okay, not really. but in my head she definitely is. if you ever get the absolute pleasure to meet me, i often refer to her a lot in a typical conversation. no, i'm not a crazy psycho fan. i truly admire her. 

i mean come onnnnnn, look at her! 

she is the definition of fabulous sassy accomplished momma queen diva! 

plus, Baby Blue is absorbable! 

so yeah, don't be alarmed if i randomly say Auntie Bey or Bey, im just referring to the ultra glam Beyonce. 

so enough of that. onto the point of this post. 

i wonder how Auntie Bey felt right before she went solo. like, right before she signed whatever contract that tied her into making her first solo album. nervous? hesitant? self conscience? excited? 

breaking away from her group and going solo was a risky step. it was a 50/50 chance that either she'd be a HUGEEEE flop or break records and become a mega star (thankfully the latter happened!) 

right now, i feel like my Auntie Bey. with graduation in May, my next big step is moving to a huge city and starting grad school. sounds cool right? like the ultimate post-undergrad life. but thinking in retrospect, im scared. like jeepers creepers scared. moving to a place where i only know ONE, yeah ONE person. 

what if i don't make friends? and i know that thought isn't childish of me because we all think that. you thought that when you first started elementary school, your first day at your new job and even your first of college. we all want at least one person to like our awkward crazy company. 

but what sucks is right as I'm finally settling into a town where i've lived for almost 5years, it's almost time for me to leave. i have a stable job that is beyond flexible with my cray cray school schedule. a pretty nice apartment that's now finally decorated. and i have theeeeeee most amazing group of 3 girls (my Big Girls) that i call my friends. i mean, how can a girl even think uprooting and basically starting from scratch? im just like 

really? i really have to make the next major decision in my life like now of all the times?! 

then theres the whole grad school thing. what if i start and i hate it? or what if i start and basically my life becomes consumed with school and i become a library hobbit thus shutting out this wonderful crazy world? dramatic much? yeah, i know. but still. thinking about all these big girl decisions is freakishly scary yet exciting. 

everyday im like, "hey God, when did i become a fully functioning adult?" i feel like just yesterday, i was in my mom's house, upstairs in my room jamming out to lil' romeo's cd 

but i guess i have to think, WWQueenBeyD? 

and in this case, right when Auntie Bey made her decision to go solo and all the crazy "what if's" scenarios that only us as females can create in our twisted beautiful minds, i know she probably just said, "let's do this". and BOOM! the rest is history. no, the rest is really history. 

so i guess i'm just using this post as a venting post to get out all my crazy "what if's" because i know in the end, grad school is happening. and i'll be ready. am i ready for it now? no way. but i know as i start to prepare for my GRE and start this application process Jesus will be a pencil, a few answers and the ultimate deciding factor. 

so this is advice that im giving myself and everyone else who is facing their own unique "going solo" situation. let's do this and be fabulous while we do it! just like Auntie Bey!